ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
