Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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