last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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