I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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