Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
