someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
