She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
