bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
