im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
