I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
