Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
