You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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