I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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