so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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