The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
