so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
