and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
