How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
