cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
