So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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