i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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