ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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