Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
