Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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