i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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