How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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