Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
