So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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