I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
