Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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