i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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