Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
