You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
