True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
