you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
