Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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