her vagina looked like bernie madoff
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
