she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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