My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
