i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
