so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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