super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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