I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize