ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
