There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm like, not good at living.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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