I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
