Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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