get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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