dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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