yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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