forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
