Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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