Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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