Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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