dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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