we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
