Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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