you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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