my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
