how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
