you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
