And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
