absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
