The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
