I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
