I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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