I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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