wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
