My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
