upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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