I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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