i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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