You work out of a Hotel?
I have demons in me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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