Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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